how2lyfe

1.0 Purpose

To provide a low-impact method for expressing and releasing emotions or other inner turmoil using a traditional form of Japanese poetry.

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2.0 Scope

This instruction applies to those experiencing:

• General angst
• Unshakable melancholy
• Low‑grade (or high-grade, or centigrade?) anxiety
• Just being universally pissed off for no reason, one reason, or many reasons

This instruction does not apply to:

• Emergencies (do you need to call 911?)
• Situations requiring professional support (I am not, nor will I ever be a professional)
• Folks that have it all together and/or who hate poetry

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3.0 Required Materials

• One (at least) feeling
• A writing situation (parchment, computer, sand?)
• A basic understanding of syl-la-bles
• Willingness to stop after three lines
• Optional: Synonyms Deluxe Chrome Extension – This is actually helpful for any/all writing, not just haiku. I use it at least every other sentence confabulation.

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4.0 Procedure

4.1 Identify the Feeling

Select the feeling the way one selects fruit at the store:

• Is in season?
• Does it have a Manager’s Special sticker on it?
• Just pick something juicy

Examples:

• “My job suhhhhhhhhx!”
• “What’s the deal with doctors making you schedule an appointment before they’ll renew your prescription?”
• “Great, no one told me I had a zit in my nose crack all day, thanks guys!”

4.2 Write the First Line (5 syllables)

The first line states the situation plainly.

Examples:

• My dog begs so much
• Poison ivy, yuck!
• Big Foot awakens

If the syllable count is wrong, adjust the sentence. Or don’t! You can’t be tamed! You are a magical force!

4.3 Write the Second Line (7 syllables)

This line adds detail or tension. Ooooh, what’s going to happen?

Examples:

• Does he even love me, or
• Pussy, bloody, scabby arms
• With a mighty thirst for blood

I should point out here that your haiku need not directly correlate with your chosen feeling from step 4.1. Just have fun because it releases dopamine (I think), and everyone knows the drugs your body makes are the best drugs.

4.4 Write the Third Line (5 syllables)

This line releases the pressure. Ties it all together.

Examples:

• Is it just my ham?
• Mmmm, that sounds sexy!
• Feed, you ancient beast!

Do not add a fourth line. This is where folks usually stop.

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5.0 Final Thoughts:

This may not have solved your problems or made your sadness go away, but isn’t accomplishing ANYthing a pretty big win? I think so. Haiku is a great way to feel clever quickly! You crafted sentences annnd did math at the same time! What??? You effing rule!

What else can you do with this energy? Find a friend or two and take turns writing Haiku lines. Oh, the hilarity! And what about drawing a little picture to go with your Haiku, collecting a few of them, then making a little book to give to a friend? Or go on a Haiku walkaround to observe nature or interesting environments, and immediately write down what you see, hear, or feel.

Oh, Haiku, you rule
You’ve helped us to see ourselves
In a whole new light!

High fives.