1.0 Purpose

To provide a clear, realistic method for starting (ha ha, I accidentally started typing “sharting”) a blog, including inevitable snags, feelings and meltdowns, and at least one moment where you stare at the screen and wonder why any of this matters and if people even like you.

2.0 Scope

This instruction applies to idealistic people who like to write and who wonder if it’s worth it to try to share their heart with the world.

3.0 Required Materials

• One idea (unfinished is fine).
• Internet access.
• A computer (recommended) or phone .
• A tolerance for discomfort.
• Optional: beverages, snacks, fidget toys.

4.0 Procedure

4.1: Decide you’re starting a blog.

• Think: “I like to write. This is good.”
• Immediately follow this thought with: “What if I say the wrong thing and get cancelled?”
• Decide to proceed anyway.

4.2: Pick a topic and name.

• Write down 20 ideas.
• Cross out 10 because there’s no way you were going to come up with 20 “keepers.”
• Keep three that feel like your voice could potentially shine there.
• Text your friends/family to help you decide.
• Inevitably go with the one they suggest that wasn’t on the list.
• Make sure it’s not “taken.”
  • Like, if you choose fatbuttsandhotnuts.com and there was someone who had that domain name but it didn’t really go anywhere, and maybe the person’s dead now… You can probably choose that name.

4.3: Choose a platform.

• Use the internet to help you decide on a platform.
• Dude, why are they so expensive?
• Spend three hours (ha ha, more like eight, o.k. ten) comparing templates on different platforms.
• Choose WordPress because the internet says it’s the most difficult to use and no one can tell you what’s difficult.
• Fully sign up and get that going then panic because you’re pretty sure this was a bad idea.

4.4: Customize the blog.

• Yeah, now I know why they said to avoid WordPress.
• Try literally every template.
• Go back to the three “best” ones.
• Cycle through those three a few more times.
• Land on one, finally.
• Adjust all of the weird sections for 30 minutes (ha ha, we know that number is a lie).
• Google “best font for blogs.”
• Realize you would need some degree in HTML or CSS or whatever those things are to figure out how to adjust the font.
• Decide it’s fine for now.

4.5: Write the first post.

• Open a blank page.
• Type three sentences.
• Delete two.
• Rewrite the first one.
• Just type, type, type, fidget toy, fidget toy, fidget toy.
• All done?
• Go back and change nearly everything.
• Publish your first post!

4.6: Get your blog out there!

Before launching:

• Read your post one last time.
• Decide it’s not perfect.
• Panic.
• Click the launch button anyway.

✅ Congratulations. You have a blog!

5.0 Epiblogue

You did it! We did it! Remember, we are doing this for US! If people read it, great! If they don’t, we’re still doing this! You don’t need:

• A large audience.
• A flawless voice.
• A long‑term plan.

Just start where you are. That’s all.